Whereas most the people I knew growing up would think in linear or circular logic with one thought naturally following on the heels of another, my thoughts would splay out in all directions like a giant domino installation branching out, branching out, branching out again, click click click click click click click, only to meet and double back and flay out again, click click click click click click click . . . .
In conversation, others were always put off by my leaps and bounds in logic; by my interjections of seemingly random thoughts pulled out of thin air, they'd be unaware of my mental gymnastics.
Teachers, peers, even family members could not possibly conceive I was simply light-years ahead of them.
I had already explored all the possibilities, outcomes, choices, finish lines, exits and entries while they were still stuck on start. They lacked the depth of perception, the sense to make sense of all the flood-tides of sensory data that they had learned, wisely, to shut out as babies, that which I continued to endlessly allow to stream in.
Gulps of it.
I could see more clearly and feel more deeply all at mach speed.
It wasn't that I was crazy. Or perhaps even smarter. My thinking was just faster, more efficient.
In ways I doubt you could possibly understand unless you are hardwired the same way too--one of those luxury models with all the special features. I don't think we're as rare as all that. Just a different breed camouflaged to look like different things. And always having the wrong labels affixed.
But please don't mistake my understanding of my difference to most as being arrogant. Faster? Pffffttt. People are like cars. The majority are two-door dependable sedans content to keep putting along the straight and narrow road.
The connections between our synapses soar like Lamborghini's spinning tires at 6000 rpm in swamps.
Spinning Spinning Spinning
glug
glug
glug
glug
you get the picture.
After years of seeing slower people pass me by, while I sunk deeper and deeper into my mental swamp, seeing things other people had no access to, opening doors others could not reach, yet getting no where physically at the same time, I've resigned just to sink forever.
I turn off the ignition.
Let my tires squish to a halt and settle to the bottom of the murky waters forever.
(What's the point of continuing to spin; I already know what my mind is capable of).
